I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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