If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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