Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drake has all the answers
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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