What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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