I CAN MOONWALK!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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