dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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