We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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