I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize