That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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