I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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