Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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