This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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