those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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