I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize