I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize