I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
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It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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