im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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