He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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