We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
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I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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