i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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