I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize