need another drink. this is the easiest way
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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