I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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