so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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