Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize