you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize