Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize