We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize