im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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