i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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