I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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