Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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