What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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