screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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