pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize