i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize