it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
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