When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize