I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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