There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize