My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize