OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize