Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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