Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
honey bunches of taint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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