Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
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Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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