So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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