You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize