here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize