maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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