i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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